250 Sarcastic Quotes and Sarcasm Sayings to go witty

Sarcasm is creativity. Sarcastic Quotes are frequently funny, ironic, sardonic, and satiric. If you feel witty and need to speak your message via sarcastic remarks, right here we’ve got curated fine Sarcastic Quotes for you. Use those sarcasm costs accurately in line with scenario making sure those sarcastic sayings does now no longer impair your relationships.

Sarcastic Quotes

1. “My neighbors listen to good music whether they like it or not.” ~Anonymous
2. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truthhas a chance to get its pants on.” ~ Winston Churchill
3. “People kept saying ‘Go CoronaGo’ and it went to other countries to spread across the globe.” ~ truthbaoutabs
4. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” ~ Steven Wright
5. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ~  A. Milne
6. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.” ~ Anonymous
7. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” ~ Rose (Betty White)
8. “People are prisoners of their phone… that’s why it’s called a “cell phone.” ~ truthbaoutabs
9. “I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I’m not a liar.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Some familytrees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”  ~ Wayne H

Funny Sarcastic Quotes

1. “I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?” ~ Jeff Lindsay
2. “Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.” ~ Anonymous
3. “The informality of family life is a blessedcondition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.” ~ Marge Kennedy
4. “I am not young enough to know everything.” ~ Oscar Wilde
5. “I asked Godfor a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”~ Emo Philips
6. “Fun fact: Alcoholincreases the size of the ‘send’ button by 89%.” ~ Anonymous
7. “I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. And I go normal from time to time.” ~Anonymous
8. “Be the reason someone smilestoday… Or the reason someone drinks. Whatever works.” ~ Anonymous
9. “They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.” ~ Clint Eastwood
10. “Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

1. “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?” ~ Anonymous
2. “In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry’.”  ~ Margaret Laurence
3. “Lead me not into temptation. I know the way.” ~ Anonymous
4. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.” ~Anonymous
5. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.” ~ Anonymous
6. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” ~ Sam Levenson
7. “Find your patiencebefore I lose mine.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.” ~ Anonymous
9. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.” ~Anonymous
10. “In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.” ~Robert Brault

Sarcastic Quotes

1. “There are only two things a child will share willingly — communicable diseases and his mother’s age.” ~ Benjamin Spock
2. “Sarcasm is the secretlanguage that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.” ~ Anonymous
3. “When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.” ~ Anonymous
4. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.” ~Anonymous
5. “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” ~ Robin Williams
6. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.” ~ Anonymous
7. “Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.” ~ Anonymous
8. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.” ~Anonymous
9. “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.” ~ Anonymous
10. “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Motivational Quotes

1. “Jealousy is a terrible disease. Get well soon.” ~ Anonymous
2. “The road to successis always under construction.” ~ Lily Tomlin
3. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” ~ Anonymous
4. “Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.” ~Anonymous
5. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” ~Anonymous
6. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” ~Billy Wilder
7. “I love It’s like punching people in the face but with words.” ~ Anonymous
8. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” ~  C. Fields
9. “I don’t believe in plastic surgery but in your case, go ahead.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Life’s good, you should get one.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcasm Sayings

1. “I don’t keep secrets; I just keep people out of my business.” ~Anonymous
2. “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.” ~ Anonymous
3. “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.” ~ Anonymous
4. “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.” ~ Anonymous
5. “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.” ~ Anonymous
6. “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.” ~ Anonymous
7. “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.” ~ Anonymous
9. “People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” ~ Anonymous

Funny Sarcasm Quotes

1. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
2. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”  ~ Robin Williams
3. “I went to the general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.” ~ Steven Wright
4. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.” ~Anonymous
5. “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. ” ~  Will Rogers
6. “I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.” ~ Anonymous
7. “When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like ‘East.’” ~ Anonymous
8. “Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.” ~ Anonymous
9. “The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.” ~Anonymous

Quotes on Sarcasm

1. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest.” ~ Oscar Wilde
2. “This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” ~ Lorrie Moore
3. “I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.” ~ Sarah Rees Brennan
4. “Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!” ~ Anonymous
5. “If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.” ~Anonymous
6. “I’m not always rude and sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep.” ~ Anonymous
7. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.” ~Anonymous
8. “Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.” ~ Anonymous
9. “Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes about life

1. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” ~ Anonymous
2. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” ~ John Wayne
3. “When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples’ eyes.” ~ Anonymous
4. “Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I’d be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.” ~ Anonymous
5. “If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember!” ~ Anonymous
6. “Legends don’t die… I am a living example!” ~ Anonymous
7. “My life is just a series of awkward and humiliating moments separated by snacks.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Have some fun with your life. Call in sick to places you don’t even work at.” ~ Anonymous
9. “I’m starting to think my purpose in life is to serve as a cautionary tale to others.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes for Friends

1. “Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” ~ Steve Irwin
2. “Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.” ~Anonymous
3. “My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.” ~Anonymous
4. “If they act like they can live without you… Help them do it.” ~Anonymous
5. “If you ran as much as your mouth did you’d be in good shape” ~ Anonymous
6. “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.” ~ Anonymous
7. “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” ~Anonymous
8. “You’re giving me the silent treatment? Finally.” ~ Anonymous
9. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.” ~ Anonymous
10. “The whiskey tastes like I’m about to tell you how I really feel.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes

1. “I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.” ~ Anonymous
2. “If you’re waiting for me to give a crap, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.” ~ Anonymous
3. “Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn’t have to end at work.” ~ Anonymous
4. “Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.” ~Anonymous
5. “How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?” ~ Anonymous
6. “What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.” ~ Anonymous
7. “You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Mother Nature is wonderful. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.” ~ Eugene Bertin.
9. “My family is temperamental, half temper half mental.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing ANYTHING away EVER. I snuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcasm Quotes

1. “Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.” ~ Anonymous
2. “Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.” ~ John Stewart
3. “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” ~ Walter Matthau
4. “My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.” ~ Anonymous
5. “You’re everything I want in someone I don’t want anymore.” ~ Anonymous
6. “Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.” ~ Martin Mull
7. “Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.” ~ Anonymous
9. “Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.” ~David Frost
10. “You play the victim. I’ll play the disinterested bystander.” ~ Anonymous

Witty Quotes

1. “Never mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans a murder out loud.” ~ Anonymous
2. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” ~ Robin Williams
3. “Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.” ~ Michael Levine
4. “Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.” ~ Anonymous
5. “I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.” ~ Anonymous
6. “I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.” ~ Anonymous
7. “If you must make a noise, make it quietly.” ~ Oliver Hardy
8. “I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently ‘a way out’ wasn’t the right answer.” ~ Anonymous
9. “I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.” ~ Mitch Hedberg
10. “My boss said I intimidate my co-workers. I stared at him until he apologized.” ~ Anonymous

Hilarious Sarcastic Quotes

1. “Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.” ~Anonymous
2. “Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield
3. “It’s amazing how clean my house can get when I’m pissed off.” ~ Anonymous
4. “Instead of ‘single’ as a marital status they should have ‘independently owned and operated.’” ~ Anonymous
5. “I don’t fall asleep. I over think myself into a coma.” ~ Anonymous
6. “If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that ‘Members not Present’ and ‘Subjects Discussed’ were one and the same. ” ~ Robert Brault
7. “If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon ’em.” ~ Emilie Autumn
9. “Instead of ‘have a nice day,’ I think I’ll start saying, ‘have the day you deserve.’ You know, let karma sort things out.” ~Anonymous
10. “An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes

1. “My favorite party trick is not going.” ~ Anonymous
2. “The older I get the less surprised I think I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.” ~ Anonymous
3. “Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!” ~ Groucho Marx
4. “People think I go out of my way to piss them off. Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.” ~ Anonymous
5. “So many people worry about their physical appearance and material possessions, that they completely disregard their crappy personality.” ~ Anonymous
6. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” ~ William James
7. “Some people really suck. Avoid them.” ~ Anonymous
8. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” ~Oscar Wilde
9. “Sorry… to have met you.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” ~ Billy Connolly

Famous Sarcastic Quotes

1. “Back in my day, people used to take photos with other people in them.” ~ Anonymous
2. “We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.”  ~ Samuel Beckett
3. “My circle is so small, I almost cut myself off.” ~ Anonymous
4. “There’s no reason to tailgate me when I’m doing 50 in a 35. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.” ~ Anonymous
5. “During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a fever.” ~ Anonymous
6. “Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.” ~ Cecilia Egan
7. “I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my key, pen, cell phone, temper, and even my mind.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Yeah, I’m a pacifist. I’m about to pass a fist across your face.” ~ Anonymous
9. “If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Autocorrect still thinks I want to say ‘duck’ 12 times a day.” ~ Anonymous

Inspiring Sarcastic Quotes

1. “If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.” ~ Anonymous
2. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” ~ Joan Crawford
3. “Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.” ~ Gene Perret
4. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” ~ Groucho Marx
5. “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” ~ Sacha Guitry
6. “I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.” ~Oscar Wilde
7. “Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?” ~ Anonymous
8. “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.” ~ Will Rogers
9. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” ~ Erma Bombeck
10. “Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.” ~ Steven Wright

Funny Sarcasm Quotes

1. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” ~ J. O’Rourke
2. “I don’t know how people can fake whole relationships. I can’t even fake a hello to somebody I don’t like.” ~ Anonymous
3. “The bigger your family, the bigger your problems.” ~ Anonymous
4. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” ~ Groucho Marx
5. “I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.” ~ Edgar Allen Poe
6. “I either have my hair and makeup done or look homeless. There is no in between.” ~ Anonymous
7. “Didn’t sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done.” ~ Anonymous
8. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” ~ Henny Youngman
9. “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” ~ Max Kauffmann
10. “Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” ~Stephen Colbert

Sarcastic Quotes

1. “No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.” ~ Anonymous
2. “Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
3. “Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning.” ~ Anonymous
4. “Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” ~ Will Rogers
5. “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.” ~ Anonymous
6. “You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!” ~ Anonymous
7. “You suck. You should fix that.” ~ Anonymous
8. “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” ~ Natalie Wood
9. “Sweating while you shop counts as exercise.” ~Anonymous
10. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” ~ Groucho Marx

Quotes for Sarcastic Remarks

1. “My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.” ~ Anonymous
2. “Underestimate me. That will be fun.” ~ Anonymous
3. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” ~Jerry Seinfeld
4. “I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.” ~ Anonymous
5. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” ~ Erma Bombeck
6. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” ~Lawrence Ferlinghetti
7. “Apparently rock bottom has a basement.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Someday, you’ll go far. I hope you stay there.” ~Anonymous
9. “Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it.” ~ Anonymous
10. “I always carry a knife in my purse. You know, in case of a cheesecake or something.” ~ Anonymous

Best Sarcastic Remarks

1. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.” ~Anonymous
2. “My alone time is sometimes for your safety.” ~ Anonymous
3. “It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.” ~Anonymous
4. “People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer.” ~ Anonymous
5. “You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.” ~ Anonymous
6. “Oops! Did I just roll my eyes out loud?” ~ Anonymous
7. “I need to teach my facial expressions how to use inside their voice.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Tuesdayis Monday’s ugly sister.” ~ Anonymous
9. “If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.” ~Anonymous
10. “I always say ‘Morning’ Instead of ‘good morning‘ Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.” ~ Anonymous

Clever Sarcastic Quotes

1. “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be soberand you will still be ugly.” ~ Sir Winston Churchill
2. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”  ~ James Holt McGavran
3. “My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.” ~ Anonymous
4. “After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.” ~ Anonymous
5. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” ~ Anonymous
6. “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” ~ Patrick Murray
7. “This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.” ~ Anonymous
8. “I’m actually not funny, I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.” ~ Anonymous
9. “What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.” ~ Anonymous
10. “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” ~ Joey Adams

Sarcastic Quotes

1. “There’s someone for everyone and that person for you is a psychiatrist.” ~ Anonymous
2. “I like sleeping because it’s like being dead without the commitment.” ~ Anonymous
3. “Not a single one of my multiple personalities like you.” ~ Anonymous
4. “I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.” ~ Anonymous
5. “If someone asks, ‘Are you crazy?’ Simply reply, ‘Yes.’ Boom. End of discussion.” ~ Anonymous
6. “Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.” ~ Anonymous
7. “I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Don’t confuse a smile with someone baring teeth.” ~ Anonymous
9. “I love deadlines; I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” ~ Anonymous
10. “We all know someone who speaks fluent crap.” ~ Anonymous

Short Sarcastic Quotes

1. “Be happy. It drives people crazy.” ~ Anonymous
2. “They say ignorance is bliss but I find yours rather disturbing.” ~ Anonymous
3. “Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot.” ~ Anonymous
4. “Being an adult is looking both ways before you cross the street and getting hit by an airplane.” ~ Anonymous
5. “You can be whatever you want; however, in your case you should probably aim low.” ~ Anonymous
6. “I am not lazy. I am on energy saving mode.” ~ Anonymous
7. “It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.” ~Anonymous
8. “I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.” ~ Anonymous
9. “Whenever I go running, I meet new people… like paramedics.” ~ Anonymous
10. “I lost your number. I lost it when I hit ‘delete.’” ~ Anonymous

More Sarcastic Quotes

1. “For Halloween, I’m going to be emotionally stable. No one is going to know it’s me.” ~ Anonymous
2. “Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!” ~ Robin Williams
3. “I wish more people were fluent in silence.” ~ Anonymous
4. “I found your nose. It was in my business.” ~ Anonymous
5. “Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.” ~ Anonymous
6. “I’m not a hot mess. I’m a spicy disaster.” ~ Anonymous
7. “They say good things take time… That’s why I’m always late.” ~ Anonymous
8. “Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?” ~ Anonymous
9. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” ~Drew Carey
10. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” ~Oscar Wilde